Friends who agree with me and friends who don't. I'm writing you this letter because I am confused and heartbroken and just done. I am writing this because I love you and because I think we can do an even better job of loving each other. It's been a long time since I wrote you a letter and I wonder if you know how I really feel about you and about Jesus and about our country and about my children and all of the concerns I have for their well being. On Friday afternoon, I overheard someone say "Well, I guess you heard that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage." Being out of town and away from the newsreel for the last few weeks has been nothing short of amazing, but it also meant I was more than a little out of touch with what was going on in the "real world." I had seen ...
from the heart
Celebrate
I know that everyone loves their people. Each person has a small network of family and friends that they just can't imagine doing life without. Sometimes I wish I could better explain how I feel about them. There are moments when I see them across the room and I start writing a blog post in my head at that very moment, hoping I can convey some small part of the feelings I have for them, but knowing I can never quite explain it in words. These people bring me SUCH joy. Bright and early this morning, my sweet sister emailed me two photographs from yesterday, knowing that I took exactly three with my phone and didn't even know where my camera was for most of the day. Immediately, my eyes welled up with tears. I was so thrilled that she sent it my way, knowing that she is crazy busy with ...
Weekend Reflections
Do you ever have those days when you are sure you're doing everything wrong as a parent? Some days are just harder than others and no matter how many smiles are in the room and how many well-lit photographs you've taken, there is a heaviness that you can't seem to shake. Before Ella was born, I didn't ever experience fear when it came to parenting. I never worried that she wouldn't be healthy and whole. I didn't consider hard questions and dramatic personalities and conflict. I dreamed of sunshine and unicorns and romanticized how lovely it would be to have my very own doll baby. Talk about reality check. By all accounts we had easy babies. We skipped tubes and colic, they both slept through the night at five weeks old, they were early walkers and talkers and we didn't have to navigate ...
Let’s Celebrate
You know what I have to remind myself sometimes? That really insignificant things don't matter. I have a tendency to build things up in my head and then I unravel when they don't go exactly my way. Who cares if all of our outfits *coordinate* on Christmas morning. Really. Wouldn't it be better if everyone was comfortable and the girls were happy, than if we looked like a Christmas card? Kamin and I had talked off and on about when we would take family photos for our Christmas card and the only time we could work it out was while we were camping over the Thanksgiving holiday. I always use our photos for the front of our Christmas card and this year would have been no exception. I had high expectations because, blogger. Doesn't it always matter that other people validate my feelings AND my ...
Church Words
Can we talk about church? I'm not sure what I can and can't say without ruffling feathers or feeling overly emotional, but it's really been on my heart to share what we're going through. I'm struggling to stay invested in fellowship while at the same time desperately missing that "family" like crazy. It's unbelievably hard when your head and your heart are in such completely different places. No denomination is perfect. I know that Baptists have a bad reputation and are generally thought of as "bible thumpers" or unnecessarily conservative. I also know it is altogether possible to be fully invested in the doctrine and at war with the current climate. There is such a dichotomy between those who thrive on tradition and an entire generation of young people who are craving revolution. I grew ...
Understanding Life
We've been doing lots of dreaming at our house lately. Dreaming about a forever house and what our future might look like. We've been talking about long-term plans and where we think God is leading us as a family. I didn't share a "September Goals" post at the beginning of the month like I did in the months before, because I just couldn't seem to focus on anything that short term. The more I thought about the future, the more the same thing bubbled to the top of my list. It shouldn't come as a surprise to you at all, but one of my favorite quotes is by John Lennon. "When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life." John Lennon He uses the ...
I’m Heading Out West
I was getting ready to draft today's post and realized that I said pretty much everything I wanted to say about this topic last summer. Maybe you read it and maybe you didn't, but I think it bears repeating. I sometimes wonder if we have a strange relationship. We've been together longer than we were apart and that means we know each other really well. I don't mean that our relationship is the greatest ever or that we love each more than you love your spouse, but in a world where divorce seems like no big deal, you kind of have to pat yourself on the back for really liking somebody after seventeen years, right? Josh drives me batty. Like crazy, kicking, screaming, batty. He knows exactly what buttons to push, how to make me smile and how to make me scream. He knows I hate repetitive ...
Mother
I thought a lot about what to write regarding Mother's Day, but I kept coming back to this post. It is perhaps the most honest post about motherhood I've written to date and almost four years later, it's still one of my favorites. Originally posted on May 9, 2010, less than a month after Sophie's birth. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. Doesn't every little girl put a pillowcase on her head and dream of the wedding? Then stroll their baby dolls around and think about the perfect life? I always assumed I would marry young, go to grad school, teach elementary art and have a house full of children. All before I was thirty. That isn't exactly how things turned out. I did meet my soul-mate pretty early in life; I was seventeen and he was captain of the ...