Today is Polly’s birthday. I knew it would happen — I mean it has to, right? — but I didn’t expect to dread it quite so much. I am excited. I’m thrilled we survived the first year, I’m glad I kept us all alive, I’m so excited to watch her grow and learn and become this adorable little person. I’m also so overwhelmed with knowing that we’ll never get this first year back. I know how fast it goes, but I’ve never lamented a year’s passing as much as this one. I’m not ready. I want to hold her tiny, squishy body forever and never let it go.
twelve months on september 5, 2019
Height + Weight: We don’t go to the doctor until next Tuesday morning, so these are iffy. I’m going to guess 22 pounds, but I’ll report back with actual stats, once I have them.
Clothes: Polly is still wearing a size three diaper and both this t-shirt and bloomers are a size 12 months. She really needs an 12/18 months, when available, but it varies by clothing brand.
I really mean for this prompt to reflect her size, but I thought I would note how I feel about babies and clothing, in general. I’m not a fan of diapers only — I don’t know why that feels weird to me. When we’re at home, I usually put her in a onesie, a one piece romper of some kind, or a t-shirt + bloomer ensemble like this one. With the big girls, we wore lots of hand-smocked items, Matilda Jane, anything pink and ruffle-y, but I’m a lot simpler this time around. My favorite brands are June and January, Kate Quinn Organics, Primary. I like soft, simple, comfortable, and slightly feminine. We mix and match a ton and, honestly, don’t have that much at any given time.
Sleep: She’s still a rock star where sleep is concerned and getting ten hours most nights. Most days, she takes a two hour morning and afternoon nap and sometimes we have to grab a cat nap right after I get home in the afternoons. If she’s teething, we’ll sometimes get a wake up right around 2 o’clock in the morning, but she’ll usually go right back to sleep in our bed. I love that we get an occasional snuggle, without her being dependent on us for sleep.
Schedule: As mentioned above, she’s still napping twice a day, for the most part. I have to wake her by six a.m. to get a nursing session in before work, but she’s adjusted to that pretty well. She usually naps from 8:30 to 10:30 in the mornings and again from 12:30 to 3:30 in the afternoons. We still go outside after breakfast, every morning, because she wants to see the cat and wave at the birds and play in the rocks at Gran and Poppy’s house. She’s eating three meals a day, with one or two snacks, depending on our plans.
Health: The days are running together a bit, but she’s had a nasty allergic reaction to something and her first cold, in the last month or so. We also tackled our first stomach virus and it was vicious. She got sick overnight, but didn’t wake up (or make a sound on the monitor), so we woke up to a crime scene. She threw up, off and on, for a half day before keeping some breast milk and cheerios down in the afternoon. We also experienced our first night terror last weekend, which was the most traumatic experience of my life. Ella had terrible terrors, starting around fifteen months old, but this one was the worst I’ve ever seen. It took about fifteen minutes to run its course and it completely ruined her sleep for the rest of the night (and mine for the rest of the day).
Crying: She still isn’t much of crier, although we have seen an increase this month. Teething is a beast and that night terror produced some of the most horrific sounds I’ve ever heard. She’s also started crying when her feelings are hurt. She knows she can’t climb on the stairs, so if I say her name in a stern voice when she’s headed in that direction, she’ll give us quite the show.
Likes: Polly loves to be outside and we’re still going out first thing every morning. She likes to swing and crawl around in the rocks and play in the pool with her toys. She loves taking a bath in the “big bathtub” (AKA: not the kitchen sink), but we only do that a few days a week. Her favorite toys are books, a set of textured balls, and a few trucks that my mom saved from when Hudson was little. I pulled out a box of magnatiles for her yesterday (despite the age recommendation) and she loved taking apart whatever Sophie and I could build. She still loves meal times and eats with such gusto!
Dislikes: I think she will forever hate laying on her changing table, but I think it’s more about being still than having her diaper changed. She, obviously, doesn’t like hearing no and I don’t expect that to change any time soon.
Milestones: She is walking really well, but is still pretty hesitant about it. She’ll take 8-10 steps in any direction, but turning has proven difficult for her. She’s pretty stubborn and will only walk when she wants to. Don’t think you can stand her up in the middle of the room if she feels like crawling today.
I’m pretty sure she’s cutting a third tooth, right next to the bottom teeth she already has. It hasn’t broken through the gums yet, but I can see it underneath the surface.
She stayed in the church nursery without melting down, this past Sunday, and the workers said she was pretty happy the entire time we were gone.
Her vocabulary has really increased this month, so I’m including all of the words she has said, that I can remember. Some of these she says daily and others she only repeats on occasion: mama, dada, out/outside, up, cup, toys, book, boat, ball, bye, kitty/cat, wow (my personal favorite), more, cheese, brush, shoes, bird.
Things I Want to Remember: I try so hard to capture memories with my camera, whether it’s a photograph or video, but there are so many things that I don’t want to forget. These are some of the things that are so quintessentially Polly at a year old, that I never want to forget.
- She has the same internal clock as Sophie and wakes up at six o’clock, every morning, without any prompting. She’s so happy when I come into her room and wraps her arms around my neck immediately.
- Polly nods and shakes her head, about everything. She knows the difference between yes and no and it’s so funny to see her use those gestures, in context. She’s also started using the affirmative nod as an indication that she wants something. She’ll look at something or in a particular direction and then nod at you — it is hilarious trying to figure out what she’s gesturing towards. She has the sweetest face when she nods and it’s incredibly endearing.
- She loves to brush her teeth and giggles when I tickle her tongue with the toothbrush.
- She can walk pretty well, but is still crawling when she wants to get somewhere quickly. If she thinks you are coming after her, she will tuck her chin and crawl as fast as she can.
- Peep Eye is her favorite. Not only will she use her hands or a blanket to cover her face, but she likes getting behind furniture and peeking out from behind it to grin at you.
- Polly loves to play Pattycake, sing Itsy Bitsy Spider, and Deep and Wide — basically anything with hand motions.
- Naps and Bedtime are very consistent these days and I can usually ask her if she’s ready to “go night night with her bird” and she’ll nod yes, if she’s tired. She rarely cries when we put her down and usually plays with her stuffed flamingo for a few minutes before falling asleep.
- If I’m drinking coffee in the mornings, I have to give her a plastic tea cup and talk to her about Polly’s coffee. Otherwise, her hands are in my cup, every time I sit it down.
- She loves drinking out of Josh’s water cup, playing with remote controls (he removes a battery), holding my hair clip, and wearing teleties on her wrists. Anything that isn’t a toy, but is always on our bedside table, is fair game!
- According to Polly, the word ball is a really drawn out word. She says it more like baaaaaaaaaaawl and we laugh every single time.
Breastfeeding: I can’t believe we made it a full year. I know I’ve written about it extensively, but it bears repeating — this journey doesn’t look anything like I expected it to. I had no intentions of nursing, then no expectations about how long we would do it, and now I have no idea when we’ll actually wean. Polly has never liked the bottle, so once she started eating three meals a day, she weaned herself from that pretty quickly. She nurses in the mornings before I leave her and again before bed. Sometimes we nurse when I first get home from work, if she’s particularly fussy or needy, and on the days we’re together all day, she’ll sometimes nurse after naps.
My doctor doesn’t seem to encourage extended breastfeeding (I don’t think she’s necessarily opposed either) and has already talked to be about how to wean and introduce milk. We’ve offered milk (whole, 2%, and almond milk) in a cup at mealtimes, but she is far from interested. She drinks water with her meals and I think, like Ella, she’ll forego milk altogether. I don’t really have a time line for when I’ll try to have her fully weaned — I think I’ll just follow her cues and do it as long as we’re all happy and comfortable.
Breastfeeding hasn’t been this transcendent experience, although it has been very enjoyable and I will never get over how dependent on me she has been. It isn’t always easy and even after it became second nature and we weren’t struggling at every feeding, there are times when I am really frustrated. She bites sometimes and when I tell her no, she cries like I’ve hurt her feelings. It isn’t frequent and she doesn’t bare down, so I haven’t let it discourage our process. If she does it repeatedly, I just end the nursing session and it doesn’t usually happen again for several days. She is easily distracted and likes to take frequent breaks, which makes nursing in public more difficult than I would like. She often stands up or rolls around, while trying to stay latched, and that isn’t exactly comfortable.
It is wonderful, though. When she wants to nurse she puts her hand on my chest and nods her head. If I agree that she can nurse, she gets the biggest grin and lets out a little excited chuckle. If I ask her if she wants to eat, she drops whatever she’s doing and abandons whoever was holding her attention — for me. I’m not going to lie, that comes in handy sometimes. Ha!
I have a small stash of milk in my freezer, from earlier this summer, and I have no idea what to do with it. It isn’t clearly dated or measured, so I couldn’t donate it, even if I wanted to. She refuses to take a bottle, so the chance that she will drink it is pretty slim. It’s painful to think about discarding it, but I’m not sure what else I would use it for. I Maybe I’ll try offering it in her cup, to cut whole milk, until it’s gone? It’s weird to think about it not taking up space in our freezer.
This has been a weird and wonderful year and I’m equal parts terrified of where we’re going and so excited to watch Polly grow up. I had a panic attack a few weeks ago, when I realized that I will be 80 when Polly is my age. The thought of not being fully present for her adulthood is something I’m not ready to consider. I hope that having her late in life will keep me young and active and as involved as I possibly can be. She has turned our lives upside down in the best possible way and we can’t imagine our lives without her in them.
Happy Birthday to our Polly Pocket. You are most definitely our sunshine.
