Friends who agree with me and friends who don’t. I’m writing you this letter because I am confused and heartbroken and just done. I am writing this because I love you and because I think we can do an even better job of loving each other. It’s been a long time since I wrote you a letter and I wonder if you know how I really feel about you and about Jesus and about our country and about my children and all of the concerns I have for their well being.
On Friday afternoon, I overheard someone say “Well, I guess you heard that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage.” Being out of town and away from the newsreel for the last few weeks has been nothing short of amazing, but it also meant I was more than a little out of touch with what was going on in the “real world.” I had seen the ruling earlier in the day, but had made a conscious effort to stay away from Facebook and not to engage in any debate regarding my feelings. I know that it’s a hot topic and that everyone has their own reason for believing the way they do and there isn’t much chance a Bible verse or a platitude is going to sway them otherwise.
Josh and I have talked long and hard about where we fall on both the political and spiritual side of this argument and agree that where we are is a hard place to be. Within a day, there was a war being waged on our social media feeds and we couldn’t do anything but sit back and watch the damage our friends were doing to each other. There was this strong part of me that thought it was better not to say anything. I am not a homosexual woman seeking marriage and I don’t have a personal stake in this issue. Or do I?
Over the weekend, I read article after article shared on Facebook and I was having a hard time identifying with a single one. I decided it was better to say nothing at all than to be perceived as something other than exactly what I am. Monday morning, I read something for the first time that was anything even remotely close to what I was feeling. I forwarded it to a few friends and family with whom I had been peacefully debating and then texted it to Josh. I told him if I were going to write a post about my feelings I would call it “SCOTUS, POTUS & Jesus.” We got a good laugh out of it and talked about how that was the quickest way to alienate all the people who might be reading along. I know that most people don’t want their “happy mommy blog” served with a side of politics and religion. I know this because I saw quite a few people express those thoughts rather abrasively in comments sections all over the blogosphere yesterday. And it hurt my feelings. It hurt my feelings for those people who were so upset that they had to be mean to someone they previously enjoyed reading. It hurt for the blogger who was sharing her heart in a sacred place she had created for herself. It hurt most for those people who were being personally attacked in the process.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I supported the Supreme Court decision on Friday and it had very little to do with my beliefs. I am a small town girl, who grew up in a world with a very narrow world view. I’m not saying there is anything inherently wrong with small towns or with conservative world views, but many times we believe what we’re told without ever investigating anything for ourselves. We make assumptions and judgments without considering the lasting ramifications. I am believer. I believe the Bible was divinely inspired by a Holy God and I think His word is infallible. I think that there are a vast number of things I don’t understand, that I likely misinterpret, and maybe even skew in order to answer my own prayers. I believe that it’s highly likely many of those things were left to be a “holy secret” because having the ability to understand God completely would limit Him in so many ways. I have no doubt that there are things I’m getting wrong on a daily basis and all I can do is rely on Him to guide my steps along the way.
I understand why many Christians oppose the ruling, even if I disagree with them. What I don’t understand is our approach to people who aren’t “like us.” I don’t understand the snide remarks and the name calling and the bitterness towards people that we don’t even know. I don’t understand passive aggressive Facebook statuses. I don’t understand people who use scripture as a weapon. I saw people sharing Bible verses on Friday for the first time ever. People who days before were spouting expletives and inappropriate photos were preaching the Word on Friday because it fit their agenda. This, I don’t understand.
I make it a point not to debate divisive issues, especially in a public forum. Words are so often misconstrued. It’s hard to fully express yourself in 140 characters or less, and be sure that someone gets what you are trying to say. Regardless of how we feel about spiritual matters, social justice is something we should all be able to agree on. The nightly news is a highlight reel of all the ways we are failing each other. There shouldn’t be a question of whether every American citizen is entitled to the same rights and respect – regardless of race, religion, or sexual preference.
I know in the grand scheme of things, you probably don’t care one tiny little bit about how I’m feeling this week. We may disagree about the Bible or politics or Japanese food or (strongly disagree about the horror of) country music, but above all else I want you to know that I love you. I love that you come here and read about people you don’t even know. I love that you send encouraging emails and comments and that you think all of my neuroses are hilarious. I love that you live in a country where you are able to pursue your dreams, no matter your circumstance. I’m sorry if you don’t have access to some of the same privileges I did, because of the color of your skin or the amount of money in your parents’ bank account. I’m sorry if you’ve been mocked or belittled because you’re a woman. I’m sorry if someone masquerading as a Christian spewed vile and ugly words at you because you’re different. I’m doing the very best I can to teach my girls how to love well. That’s the only thing we can do to keep their friends from suffering those same realities in the future. I’m teaching them that instead of devoting all our time and energy to complaining about flags and marriage equality and gun control, they can meet the very real needs of people all around us. I’ll tell you what a very dear and precious person said to me just yesterday, “If there are homeless children, hungry families, and millions of people in the world lacking clean water and education, [then we] are MISSING THE POINT OF JESUS.” Indeed.
UPDATED TO ADD: I intentionally withheld scriptural references because I don’t want anyone to see this as one more place to throw scripture around like a sword. I try only to discuss divisive issues within the context of real relationships because they call for a delicacy that can’t often be found in a public forum. Please extend grace if we disagree or if I’ve offended you in any way. You are always welcome to comment below or email me if you’d like to chat. I welcome conversation and debate, as long as we can agree to be kind and respectful.
In case you want to read some other beautiful articles about the topic, I’m sharing a few of my favorites here: Jennifer wrote a LOVELY piece today about her children | this one is good stuff, but you’ll need to grab your tissues | a pretty simple call to Christians who disagree with the ruling | THIS is the article that resonated with me and that I shared on Monday morning | Jen Hatmaker’s post last spring says ALL THE THINGS. It’s written from a biblical worldview, for sure, but points out all of the delicate ways in which this conversation needs to be had, especially when it becomes a public one.
