When I logged into WordPress to upload this photo, the last posts that occurred in real time were in October. October. There is real grief when I think about how I’ve avoided writing — really writing — for over a year. When I truly think about 2020, I see more good than bad in my own life, but properly documenting our home and the lives of my girls will be one of my biggest regrets during that time.
There are so many real reasons for why I avoided this space. Many of them are pandemic and politically related — I struggled to share on-line because I felt like everything I said was the wrong thing. I worried I would alienate the right people and attract the wrong ones. I worried that my words would be used as a weapon instead of an encouragement. I also incorrectly thought I’d have more time to write while I was at home — especially once the girls were back in school. What I found was there were so many other worthy things that took up my time (laundry, home projects, time working from home with Josh), that I still wasn’t drawn to my keyboard. Likely the most practical reason, at least in the last three or four months, is a lack of technology.
We haven’t had a computer at home in years, since we both work from a laptop and I’ve always brought mine home every night. I had some graphic design responsibilities at work, so I’ve always had the necessary software on my work computer to help with blogging and never really thought about what would happen if that went away. Our firm merged with a regional firm back in March and we pretty quickly got all new technology. Since then, I have had limited access to my blog and no access to Photoshop or Illustrator. Blogging became significantly more difficult than it had ever been and felt more like a burden than a desire.
Last Monday was my first day back at work, post-vacation. I felt the strongest desire to share our trip with you (but mostly preserve our memories for the girls) and I just didn’t have a way to make that happen. I texted Josh from a red-light near my office and told him I was ordering a laptop. By Friday, I had a new computer all plugged in and ready to go, in the home office I was forced to abandon in April. I was so thrilled to carve out half an hour last night to write these words, even though they don’t amount to much. This is the first time in so long that I’ve wanted to share how our home looks and the funny things Polly is saying and how it feels to know I’ll have one in middle school and one in high school this year.
It’s a small start, but here is our container garden this summer. The strawberries are spent, but our butterfly garden is going strong and we added herbs and vegetables to the galvanized tub yesterday afternoon. Polly and I spent the entire weekend playing outside, weeding, and pruning after a few weeks away. Much like the blog, we built this garden on a whim, but we’ll be spending every year — both working and enjoying it — for as long as we can manage.
