On June 29, I drove into downtown Birmingham for the first time in fourteen weeks. Fourteen weeks. When I left that Wednesday in March, I had no idea how long it would be before I returned. I left to meet Polly at the pediatrician and learned she needed daily shots for three consecutive days, to kick a severe ear infection. I grabbed what I thought I needed for the weekend, only to learn it might be weeks (ha!) before we opened our offices again.
Courts cancelled our proceedings, attorneys worked from home, and my workload got consistently smaller as the spring and summer passed me by. I knew I might never have such a slow season of life again, so I soaked it up and enjoyed every garden morning and every long afternoon nap. When we received word that our offices would resume in-person business, it was bittersweet. I knew I would miss spending the days at home with the girls, but I was looking forward to having a regular routine again.
Birmingham looked so different that it had just a few months earlier. Statues had been upended (thank goodness), businesses were boarded up, and the streets were lined with mural covered plywood. The sandwich shop where I’ve eaten lunch three times a week for twenty years was conspicuously missing. Faces were masked and office doors were closed and I barely spoke a single word to anyone. It was surreal to exist in a place I was so familiar with and have it looks so bizarrely unknown.
I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve said that I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I never even considered it with Ella, because we couldn’t come close to affording it. By the time Sophie was born, Josh owned his own business and my job had become very demanding. I was completely fulfilled working outside the home and never considered an alternative. For so many reasons, my mind set didn’t change with Polly’s birth either — no matter how many people asked me if I would stay at home with her.
I survived pregnancy and thrived during maternity leave. I returned to the office, feeling so good about my mom keeping Polly and the schedule we had adopted. I was still working from home one day a week and loving that extra day at home with my littlest. I was content for the better part of a year, but last spring I started having serious doubts. I knew that I wanted to work and couldn’t fathom leaving my job of twelve years, but I also couldn’t figure out how to be content in the life I had built. I was having a bit of a mid-life crisis — I prayed a lot and complained a lot (not about my job, just about the time I was away from home and the overwhelm I was feeling) and vented to my small group friends and closest family.
I know that the last six months have been incredibly hard on so many people and I am hesitant to say that things are better for us, mid-COVID — corona privilege is a real thing. Despite the uncertainty and countless adjustments we’ve had to make since March, we have also thrived at home together and come to some new conclusions about how our home and family works best.
After more than three months at home, I was asked to return to the office full time. While my workload wasn’t as heavy as it usually is, I had successfully managed to work from home, care for Polly, continue our home renovation, and help the girls with remote learning. It is not for the faint of heart and I had many a melt-down in the process. For weeks I had been wondering what it would look like if I continued working remotely and finally decided that it couldn’t hurt to ask.
I submitted a written proposal with clear expectations and responsibilities, I survived a meeting with our firm’s upper management, and worked exactly three days in the office before I was given the go ahead. I have no idea what my work schedule will look like once the big girls return to school and my mom is keeping Polly again, but I’m sure I’ll write more about that once we establish a rhythm. For now, I’m working in the early mornings, during naps, and during Sophia the First marathons. I usually go into the office for a few hours each week, if for nothing else to pick up mail and touch base with other team members. I still have meetings and court and other responsibilities that call me downtown occasionally, but I have eliminated a daily two hour commute and have spent my down time doing the hard and holy work of motherhood.
We still have so much of the unknown left to navigate — our schools haven’t made final decisions about how or when classes will resume, I have no idea if our offices will shut down again, we’ve put family travel on hold, and are still severely limiting the girls’ activities outside the home. I couldn’t have anticipated how 2020 would unfold, but how we respond to it is completely within our control. We’re being flexible and spontaneous and making the best of every big and little hiccup along the way.
