Let’s all laugh at the fact that I just knew I would be back to blogging the week after Polly’s birth. I had post ideas for that entire week and it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t feel well enough to sit at my computer, let alone that I wouldn’t want to put her down for one single second. The last two weeks have been perfect and although I’m ready to return to this space, I am very much enjoying our quiet, lazy days and our posting schedule will likely be a little lighter than normal until I return to work. Thank you all so much for the prayers, well wishes, and patience — Polly and I are both doing so well and appreciate your love and support!
While none of the following photos are graphic in nature, there are real time photos of Polly’s Cesarean delivery, so if you are squeamish, you might want to scroll through that portion of today’s post.
I knew from the very beginning that I would be delivering Polly via c-section. After a long labor with Ella, that ultimately ended with a c-section, and a repeat Cesarean with Sophie, I wasn’t left much choice. I’m sure I could have requested a VBAC, but the stress of an unexpected pregnancy coupled with my age, made me long for the familiar. I asked my obstetrician pretty early on what would happen if I went into labor on my own and she assured me that unless I showed up to Labor & Delivery with the baby making an exit, I would be sent directly to the operating room for our planned c-section. It was so comforting to know exactly what to expect, since nothing about this pregnancy has been predictable.
Sophie’s planned delivery was early in the morning, so I falsely believed this one would be, too. When they called me back to confirm an 11:45 a.m. delivery, I was a little bummed. It meant I couldn’t eat anything substantial for breakfast (no food or liquid after 4:30 a.m.) and what seemed like a very long wait that morning. The upside was I had plenty of time to get ready for the day, we were able to see the girls before we left for the hospital, and everything seemed much less rushed.
We had to be at the hospital at 9:30 that morning and because of some bad traffic, we were really cutting it close. I was super anxious about being late, but we had plenty of time to take care of the check-in process and get into our room before the main event began. The nurse pictured in the photo below is Jessie. She spent the entire day with us and made everything about this experience infinitely better. She was so thorough and helped to explain every step of the way. She took care of us in the labor & delivery room prior to surgery, she assisted in the operating room, and stayed with us until we were discharged from recovery.
I didn’t talk much about the pain I experienced the last few weeks of my pregnancy, but this photo depicts it perfectly. It’s funny that it seems so long ago, but I had to ask Josh why I was making such a terrible face here, since I never had real labor pains with Polly. I suffered some pretty intense lower back and hip pain during the last month, which made it increasingly more difficult to walk and maneuver as we approached delivery. Here, Jessie is helping to move me into place for an epidural and the pain to move myself around in bed was excruciating. I still have some lingering hip pain, but it is nothing compared to that coupled with a baby putting pressure on my pelvis.
So many things about this delivery experience was different from the girls. The hospital has been renovated since Sophie’s delivery and that made a huge impact on the schedule and many of the pre-op procedures. Josh wasn’t able to stay in the room for my epidural with either of the big girls, but a recent hospital policy change allowed him to sit right in front of me and hold my hand for this one. The epidural was one of my biggest causes for anxiety, even though I hadn’t experienced any problems with my previous attempts at pain management. It was so nice to have him there, even though the procedure was only mildly painful and the anesthesiologist kept us laughing the entire time.
Kamin was asked to leave the room, but with the door cracked, she captured a few pretty pensive moments. We were also able to confirm with the anesthesiologist that she could join us in the OR. Our hospital leaves that decision up to your own doctor and the anesthesiology group on call and, having had Dr. Gregory’s permission for many months, we were just waiting on him to sign off. I would have been thrilled with her being able to photograph the pre-op procedures and recovery period, but having her in the operating room was such a huge relief. Josh was able to focus on me and the baby and we didn’t miss a single photo opportunity. She was such a great support during those hours and I loved having her there when we discovered Polly’s sex.
One of things I was hoping for in the labor & delivery room, was an opportunity to see the girls before I was rolled back to the OR. My mom kept us updated on their arrival, but they got stuck in the same traffic we did and I was starting to panic that they wouldn’t make it. With about thirty minutes to spare, Kamin walked out to the waiting room to grab them and they were able to come and give us a quick squeeze before Polly’s birth. Nine months of wondering how this whole three kids with a major age difference thing would go, was about to be revealed.
I could tell that Sophie was the most apprehensive about seeing me prepped for surgery. I already had my hairnet on and there were wires and tubes coming out of every part of my hospital gown. The epidural was complete (it took three separate sessions with the doctor) and I could barely feel my abdomen or legs. They both had lots of questions about what we had done so far and what would happen next and they filled us in on who all was in the waiting room and what their last minute baby predictions were.
I was wheeled out of labor & delivery at 11:30, leaving Josh and Kamin to don scrubs and prep for surgery. The nurse anesthetist assured them that even though it would feel like we forgot all about them, they would make it to the OR in plenty of time for baby’s arrival. Those moments without them were probably the hardest of the day. I was anxious and disoriented and starting to panic a little bit about the severity of major surgery. Dr. Gregory had gone over all of the risks and even though I was already familiar with them, the thought of something tragic happening and leaving behind these people I loved, was at the forefront of my mind. I trusted my medical team completely, but I could not shake the anxiety over the worst case scenarios.
The fifteen minutes I was without them was pretty surreal. The operating room was so different from my first two experiences and there were so many people within my line of sight. Not knowing what we were having made a huge difference in the atmosphere of the room. Everyone was as excited as we were and making last minute predictions about what we were having. When Josh walked in the room and mentioned that even our dog was a girl, everyone agreed that we were in for a repeat gender reveal! The doctor had already asked us how we wanted the announcement made and she joked that she was going to cup her hand over the baby’s bottom so we would all have to guess.
The lady in the photograph below was our nurse anesthetist. As much as we enjoyed the doctor who placed my epidural, I will be eternally grateful that it was she who accompanied us to surgery. She took excellent care of me, was so reassuring during the process, and kept my arms free from restraints (I had to be strapped down with both girls because of violent shakes) so I could immediately hold the baby after delivery.
We opted for a clear drape for this delivery, meaning that in addition to the blue drape always present in the delivery room, we would be able to watch as the doctor delivered the baby. All of the more traumatic portions of surgery were done with the drape up and then they lowered it at just the right time. It’s actually funny to remember because the nurse anesthetist tried to lower it too soon and both my doctor and I kind of freaked out. I told them I didn’t want to see anything I didn’t need to see and the doctor agreed that we needed to wait a few more minutes before taking a look.
It’s really hard to look at these photos without sobbing — it’s a very different perspective from what I saw in real time. When the drape was lowered, my head and shoulders were lifted so that I could watch every moment of baby’s arrival and, at the time, there was only a tiny sliver of her head showing. These photos don’t quite convey it, but the baby is much closer to your face than you realize. I couldn’t believe what I great view I had — it was like nothing else existed in the room except our baby!
It was funny to hear Kamin talk about the delivery later on. She had photographed c-sections before, but never one with a clear drape, so she had no idea what the delivery process would be like. The baby does not slip out easily — the incision is quite small compared to the size of the baby and there is a lot maneuvering to get them out. As soon as her head was free, Josh said “It’s huge!” and even my doctor commented on what a big baby it was for me. She was head down and facing my spine — I had suspected she was facing my abdomen because of the terrible back pain, so I told the doctor beforehand that I wanted to know exactly how she was positioned inside — and they began to turn her as they pulled her out.
Once the majority of her body was delivered, the nurses lowered the clear sheeting so that I could see her better. It is so overwhelming to type this as I remember these moments, but I have never felt such a charge in the air as I did during those few moments. It’s crazy to think that everything that happened before, existed in eight minutes. Surgery began promptly at 11:45 and Polly was delivered at 11:53 a.m.!
Josh had a firm grip on my shoulder and as soon as they lifted her from my belly, he yelled “It’s a GIRL! I know what those things look like, we have plenty of them in our house.” We all laughed so hard and it was so much more fun that I could have possibly imagined in the nine months leading up to delivery. Every time someone asks us why we did it or if we would choose to do it again, we give a resounding yes. Not knowing who we were greeting that day was never a burden. We didn’t spend much time worrying about what she would be, we were too excited to find out who she would be. We promised the girls we wouldn’t name her until after we had all been reunited, so when the doctor asked what her name was, we had to say “We don’t know!”
Josh and Kamin were able to follow Polly across the room to the newborn team and watch as they weighed and measured her. There was a pull down screen next to my bed where I could watch the entire process, which made it feel a little less scary being separated from them all.
I cannot say enough about this guy right here. He is quiet and reserved most of the time and even though he was excited about this baby from the moment we found about her, I knew that the reality of her presence in our arms would cause a major shift in his demeanor. He was so much fun during the entire process and never once made me feel like I was silly for being nervous or whiny for complaining about the pain. He took excellent care of us in the hospital and has been such a dream since we came home. Having him put her in my arms for the first time was perfect.
He carried the baby back to our room while the doctors finished up with my surgery. It took a lot longer than I expected and some of the dialogue between doctors and nurses made me nervous. After what seemed like forever, I remember asking if I was okay. The doctors and nurse anesthetist all seemed oblivious to my presence, but immediately started reassuring me that I was fine and including me in their non-surgery-related conversation. It seemed my doctor was unhappy with my scar from previous pregnancies (she actually delivered all three girls!) and decided to cut away some additional scar tissue and straighten my incision a bit, in hopes that it would be prettier and more comfortable after it healed. I even heard Josh telling someone in our family how much better this incision looked and it has already started to heal so well.
As soon as I was wheeled back into our L&D Room for recovery, Polly was placed on my chest for skin to skin time. This is till one of her favorite places to be and I was so thrilled to have her back in my arms. We didn’t try to feed her right away because there was so much going on in the room, but you could tell she was ready to nurse pretty much immediately.
We knew we had to spend two hours in recovery before we were transferred to the maternity floor, but we did not want the girls to have to wait that long to meet her. Once I was cleaned up and dressed in a gown, Kamin walked out to the waiting room to bring them back. I remember seeing their little faces around the edge of the curtain and they were so excited to come inside. Ella’s face below when Josh told them the baby was a girl is permanently branded in my memory. All these months of worrying how she would adjust to our new normal, were instantly erased.
After a few minutes, she went back out to grab our parents, my mom’s best friend Kitty, and my uncle Heath. We were expecting most of our family late in the day, but we were all ready to celebrate our newest arrival with those who had been waiting and praying for us all morning. We all agreed on Polly’s name right before they came back, so not only was it fun announcing that we were welcoming another girl to our family, but it was even more fun to share the name we had been keeping a secret for so long!
Poppy and Grandpa Cookie were both convinced it was a boy, so seeing them smile and laugh when we told them it was a girl, was so much fun! Gran & Nana weren’t surprised at all and I love that Kamin captured this photo of them because it was hard for me to focus on so many people at once. They all stayed with us for about thirty minutes and then ran out to grab lunch while we worked on feeding Polly. We were able to spend another hour nursing and snuggling her before getting transferred to the maternity floor.
I held Polly in the hospital bed as we were wheeled through the hallways and transferred on elevators. I’m not sure if it’s coincidence or hospital policy, but every single hospital personnel that we passed congratulated us, from the maintenance men to the people rolling carts of laundry. It was so fun to hear so many well wishes along our journey.
We had plenty of visitors that afternoon and I’m sure I could make a list, if pressed, but the girls were our biggest focus that day. Seeing them hold and love on Polly was so special — they took such care with her, were so calm, and whispered the sweetest words over her little body. Neither of them wanted to leave that afternoon, so my parents ended up grabbing everyone dinner and they were able to spend plenty of time getting used to their new family. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to eat until the next day because of the pain medicine they administered shortly after birth. It was a twenty-four hour time released narcotic, for which I am eternally grateful, but I had to wear an anti-nausea patch and introduce food slowly overnight. I ended up having a turkey sandwich and chips in the middle of the night and Josh laughed at how quickly I inhaled it!
I hate that I didn’t write all of our nurses names down, because this sweet girl was one of our very favorite faces during our stay. She brought us into our room, later bathed Polly in our bathroom, and would take great care of us during our three day stay.
Polly’s birth was such a wonderful experience and I can’t think of a single thing I would change, if given the opportunity. It wasn’t without pain or anxiety, but our end goal was to have a healthy mom and baby when it was all over with, and that we did. I’ll share more photos from our hospital stay and how recovery is going in the next few days, but there is a little seven pound squishy newborn laying next to me who’s ready for more mama snuggles and I dare not tell her no.
All photos courtesy of my amazing sister, Kamin, at Spark & Arrow. We are beyond grateful that she was able to spend the day with us and capture these special moments.
