I’ve always been a little embarrassed to admit that Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite verse — it seems overused and feels a little cliché to offer it up as my life verse. There is something about it, though, that speaks exactly what I need to hear, every single time.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-12
I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. A lot, if I’m being honest. It feels silly to admit out loud, given the very charmed life that I live. I used to be organized and on top of things and together. After having a second child, I felt like the scales shifted a little and it was harder to be the perfectionist I was before. After seven years, you would think I had adapted to the second child, but I still find myself struggling to accomplish the most mundane tasks. I’ve accepted that I’m a messier version of that un-mother and I’m trying really hard to embrace it. Josh and I have talked a lot about why I’m overwhelmed and why I can’t relinquish control over every little thing and I’m trying — really trying — to let good enough be good enough and to accept help, even when I think I should be able to do it all by myself.
One of the things I struggle most with is the lack of adult friendships. Am I the only one who thinks it’s crazy hard to maintain real, lasting friendships and be an adult at the same time? Work and kids and school and family obligations take up every minute of the day and when you add in homework, dance, workouts and an endless commute, I’m running out of hours in the day. I crave girl time and conversation and I haven’t been getting enough of it lately. Several times in the last week God has blessed me with a handful of hours that spoke right into my soul.
I’ve been attending a new small group this semester. I shared on Instagram at the beginning of the season that I was absolutely terrified to attend. It was obvious that God put me there for a reason, but I was looking for an excuse to bail. I’m most definitely an extrovert, but I like to say I’m an introverted extrovert. I’m completely comfortable in about fifteen minutes, but the introductory phase is painful for me. Everything about this group has been right for this stage of my life. We’ve shared in Bible study every week, but we’ve also shared practical parenting advice, favorite gadgets and mom hacks, recipes, and favorite holiday traditions. This past Monday, my friend Jenny, had us spend some extended time in worship. We started out by sharing both an answered prayer and something we’re believing that God will accomplish in our lives. It was humbling to see the varied things that we’re all dealing with and strangely comforting to know that we aren’t alone in our worries, anxiety, and overwhelm. After sharing, we spread out in our friend’s home, in the dark, and listened to worship songs and prayers offered by our leader. We were asked not to sing along, but to soak up the presence of the Holy Spirit and ask Him to pour into us, whatever it is we’ve been asking for. I am easily distracted, so letting go of my to do list (and the time and the blog and the girls) was hard.
This was the first song we listened to and, guys, it wrecked me.
He gives His whole heart.
When He says He loves you, there are no strings attached.
You could never earn His love.
You could never work for His love.
You could never be pretty enough, more beautiful, give more, do better, work harder.
He just loves you because.
This is not about performance, who sings the best or brings the best.
He loved you before you even knew His name, before you knew the Way.
He knows what broke your heart and where to find all the pieces.
He’s coming for you.
He has no plans to harm me, no plans to rob me of friendships or peace or comfort, but plans to give me hope. I don’t even know if any of this makes sense to anyone else but me or if you can see any connection between the overwhelm and the loneliness and the busy of every day life, but I’ve never been so sure that God was answering all of those little questions with a single song. It was one of the most rewarding spiritual experiences in recent memory and I just wanted to share a little bit about what is going on in my life right now. I am so happy and I have so many people and things to be thankful for in this season, but life is messy and hard and difficult to understand sometimes. We can’t ever be pretty enough to gain His affection. We can’t ever give enough or work hard enough or be deserving of all that He offers. He just loves us because. He just loves you because.
