We’ve been doing lots of dreaming at our house lately. Dreaming about a forever house and what our future might look like. We’ve been talking about long-term plans and where we think God is leading us as a family. I didn’t share a “September Goals” post at the beginning of the month like I did in the months before, because I just couldn’t seem to focus on anything that short term. The more I thought about the future, the more the same thing bubbled to the top of my list. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you at all, but one of my favorite quotes is by John Lennon.
“When I went to school they asked me what I
wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’.
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment,
and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
John Lennon
He uses the word happy here, but let’s replace it with joy or contentment. When I really spend time thinking about tomorrow and what I would wish for if I could, it all comes down to how I see the future laid out for my family and more specifically, my girls.
You know that above all, this is my number one hope for them. But, beyond that, there are three “goals” I have in mind when it comes to our family. The first is that my children would know what it is to belong. I want to create a happy place for them to come home to at the end of the day. No matter where life might take them as they get older, I always want the place we live to feel like their home. Josh and I have been talking for months about our next house and what that might look like. Will we continue to live in the Rockin’ House? Will we be lucky enough to find something else locally that we love? Will we end up building that traditional house we always thought we wanted? Lately, our vision for this “forever house” has changed quite a bit. Josh greeted me with a crazy idea a few weeks ago and I can’t quite get it out of my head. It’s so quirky and so us, but at the same time, it’s so far from this vision I’ve been holding in my head. The more I think about it, the more I have to recognize that I don’t know exactly what is in store for our family right now. The picture isn’t clear. And no matter how hard I try to make one of these options work because I’m ready, if the timing or the circumstances or the price aren’t right, then we have to continue to be open to new and interesting ideas. Throughout this process of preparing our hearts and minds to leave the Rockin’ House, we’ve let the girls become more and more a part of what were dreaming. We’ve asked their opinions and let them scour Pinterest for room ideas. We’ve talked about what our family needs and how to find a house that works best for us. I can make their rooms look like a magazine spread if I try hard enough, but I know that letting go a little and letting them dream big will be better for them than the Pottery Barn quilt I might pick out. When I think back on my childhood bedroom, I do remember the yellow wallpaper and my mother’s pride when she designed that room just for me. The thing that stands out in my mind most, though, is laying on a mattress in the middle of my floor, watching while she painted those floral yellow walls a deep olive green.
Second, I want them to have a heart for people. We live in a very rural community and are surrounded by people who are hurting and who aren’t as fortunate as we are. I’ve spent my life defending the small town I grew up in and even as an adult, I’m often asked to justify why we don’t live “in town”. The fact of the matter is, that isn’t what I want for my children. I want them to see the diversity of our small town. I want them to know that their friends don’t have to look just like them or believe exactly the same way they do in order to have value. I want them to be grateful for what we have, but know that it’s okay to have less and to give more. I want people around them to feel loved and to see us going out of our way to help them when they need it. I want them to be generous. I have read so many books in the last few years that have challenged my previous way of thinking. I never want to go back to that upper-middle-class, white girl with tunnel vision and an American dream.
Third, I want them to have a relationship one day that is just as wonderful as the one I have with their daddy. Sometimes I worry that we’re doing everything wrong. I worry that we leave them too often and spend too much time together. I fear that having some privacy in our home will make them wonder if we didn’t want to spend more time with them. We talk about how young we were when we got married and that we didn’t really know what real life was like before we found ourselves sharing a bathroom sink. People change and grow up so much between the ages of 17 and 35, it’s a miracle that we still like each other as much as we do. No matter who they find to spend their lives with or when and where it happens, I just want them to be as ridiculously happy as I am. I want them to marry someone who sees them, who knows their heart and isn’t afraid to pursue crazy dreams with them. I want to shield them from the hurt of choosing wrong and reassure them that there are people out there who fit in your life so well that you won’t remember the space they occupy ever being empty. There is this lyric from a song I loved in high school, “You’re the puzzle piece behind the couch that makes the sky complete”. I can’t not think of that line. It is the way I feel about their daddy and the way I want someone to feel about them one day.
This world is a big and scary place. I hope I’m teaching them all of the things they need to know to tackle it on their own. I want them to carve out a space for themselves full of big dreams and crazy ideas. To find joy in every situation, big and small. To be fearless and bold and take chances. To change their world.
