I was getting ready to draft today’s post and realized that I said pretty much everything I wanted to say about this topic last summer. Maybe you read it and maybe you didn’t, but I think it bears repeating.
I sometimes wonder if we have a strange relationship. We’ve been together longer than we were apart and that means we know each other really well. I don’t mean that our relationship is the greatest ever or that we love each more than you love your spouse, but in a world where divorce seems like no big deal, you kind of have to pat yourself on the back for really liking somebody after seventeen years, right?
Josh drives me batty. Like crazy, kicking, screaming, batty. He knows exactly what buttons to push, how to make me smile and how to make me scream. He knows I hate repetitive noises like pen-clicking or toe-tapping. He knows not to hand me the remote control when he’s done watching (I don’t want much television), but he does it any way because this one makes him laugh. I’m laying in the bed reading and he flicks off the TV and then lays the remote on my chest. Or he leaves the TV on some channel that I would never watch and then tosses it to my side of the bed. That just means he’s gonna fall asleep and I have to (a) listen to a TV that I’m not watching, or (b) make an effort to turn it off myself. I usually just chuck it back at him and he laughs. Every. Single. Night.
He is one of those people who is generally wonderful to be around. He isn’t a complainer, he’s always happy, he’s crazy smart and has an excellent sense of humor. I genuinely like spending time with him and not just because I have to. He’s my favorite.
We’ve always been lucky to have huge amounts of family all around us and we have more help with the girls than we know what to do with. Our parents beg to keep the girls and that’s not counting our siblings and numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I’ve mentioned it before, but Ella is the queen at getting a spend-the-night invitation. She stays away almost as much as she’s home, especially in the summer. It is not rare for Josh & I to have a date night once a week with an entire evening to ourselves. Many of my friends don’t have this luxury and at times it starts to make me feel guilty. Do we leave them too much? Are we constantly pushing them away to have fun without them?
I finally realized that our relationship is the most important one the girls will ever see. The example we set for them is so important in how they see themselves now and how they’ll see themselves in future relationships. It’s important that we love each other and like each other and know how to spend time together that isn’t kid-centric. One day our children will grow up and move out and move on and we’ll be sitting across the table from each other alone. We have to have more to talk about than who is doing dance drop-off and if the girls’ shoes are getting too tight.
Several years ago we took an impromptu trip to New York for a long weekend. Josh was working a little north of the city and I flew up to meet him on a Thursday night. We explored NYC together and had such a wonderful time. We decided then and there, that as long as we could manage it financially, we would figure out a way to take a short vacation, sans kids, every year. It doesn’t always have to be glamorous (although I hope one day it is), but the important part is that we’re recharging and spending uninterrupted time together. We’ve been to Dallas and back to NYC and although we were anticipating a cruise this year, it worked out to spend some time in San Francisco to celebrate our anniversary.
In the twelve years we’ve been married, we both have traveled for work often. We have both worked out of town for extended periods of time, but always managed to be home together on the weekends. We were thinking back over the course of our marriage (and maybe our entire relationship) and we can’t remember a single time where we were apart for nine days. Am I capable of surviving little more than a week without my husband? Absolutely. Do I want to go that long without him? Absolutely not. This summer has been hard. Work has been crazy for us both and we have spent far less quality time together than we are used to. I know that we will spend money we probably shouldn’t, we won’t get much sleep and we’ll fill our days from sunrise to midnight with all sorts of fun things to see and do. I also know that we won’t regret a single second, we’ll still be talking about it next summer and I’ll probably post this again.Leave your kids with a sitter, book a weekend getaway far from home and talk about everything you can think about except for work and responsibilities. You husband (and later your kids) will thank you.
