There was a period in my life where I thought a lot about my salvation. I remember the racing of my heart when I realized that I wanted to know Him. I remember asking my parents countless questions and I remember meeting with my pastor in his office. I remember walking down the aisle on Easter Sunday morning and the exact dress I was wearing. I even remember that beneath my baptismal robe, a few weeks later, was a PeeWee Herman t-shirt and denim shorts. It’s not that I ever had any doubt in my belief or the transformative power of Christ to save, but I worried a lot about the moment of my salvation — the physical moment when I prayed to receive Christ as my savior. I never doubted that Christ would do what He said he would do. What I doubted was that I had done what I was supposed to do. How can a fallible human be in complete control of their salvation? How can you ever be sure of something when you are so utterly not in control of your own life?
The older I get and the more I study to know Christ, the more I feel a connection to that seven year old me. As I grow in that relationship, I realize more and more that the story of my salvation is a process. I have a friend who told me that as a Catholic they believe you have “been saved, are being saved and will be saved”. This really resonated with me the first time I heard her say it. Josh and I have tried so hard not to rush Ella in her decision. She has been asking questions for more than a year about who Jesus is and how He fits into her life. I could tell over the course of our conversations that her knowledge and excitement were both increasing.
At the end of our services each week there is a response card that you can fill out with prayer concerns or notes to the pastor, as well as decisions you’ve made or things you might want more information on. Almost every week, Ella has checked the boxes about wanting more information on baptism. And every week, she would tuck her card into my purse instead of putting it in the offering plate when it’s passed. At Christmas, she asked us about taking communion and, although we knew she wasn’t ready, it was a wonderful opportunity to speak with her about the sacraments and what it meant to take the Lord’s Supper.
My small group has been such an integral part of the growth my relationship with Christ has taken in the last few years. I have learned more and put more into practice since I started sharing my life with these women that in all of the previous years combined. They encourage me and embolden me and teach me so much about being a wife, mother and believer. The only way I’ve ever heard salvation described my entire life was as an invitation to Christ to live in and through me. Me inviting Him. The flawed, sinner inviting the Holy God. There was a reason that something about that felt wrong to me. It’s because it isn’t the truth.
When we read David Platt’s “Follow Me” together last fall, I began talking with Josh about whether salvation was a one time deal or a constant decision to follow Christ. Did saying a prayer as a seven year old really secure my salvation? In the second chapter of his book, he says that “Before we were ever born, God was working to adopt us. While we were lying alone in the depth of our sin, God was planning to save us. Christianity does not begin with our pursuit of Christ, but with Christ’s pursuit of us. Christianity does not start with an invitation we offer to Jesus, but with an invitation Jesus offers us.” Salvation isn’t about what I do, it’s about what God has already done in me and for me and through me. I don’t just want Ella to believe in Jesus, I want her to follow Him. To know that He has been pursuing her since before she was born, that it was for her that He died, that she is the object of His affection.
I had been praying for months that there would be a perfect opportunity to share with her what it truly means to follow Christ. I wanted an opportunity to talk through what she knows and believes about God and what that means for her life. On Saturday, February 1st, I was helping the girls construct their Valentine’s Day treats for their friends. Ella started asking me some questions and we had the opportunity to talk for over an hour about what it means to believe and follow. We talked about how Christ pursued her and how she had recognized His voice. We talked about how to respond to that invitation and how she could certainly pray in response to that calling. I told her that the Bible doesn’t say that in order to receive salvation we just recite the same prayer as hundreds of other believers before her. What the Bible says is that we must believe that Christ alone saves us from our sins and from a life separated from Him.The Bible tells us that when we truly believe in Him, we are compelled to live in a way that sets us apart from the world and leads others to know him in that same way.
I want my children to never doubt the sincerity of their decision to follow Christ. I want them to know it isn’t because of some prayer they prayed or some activities that we do that our eternity is sealed in heaven with Him. It is all only because He pursued us and invited us to join Him in mission. And because we choose to follow Him. To be disciples devoted to disciple-making.
On Sunday morning, February 2nd, Ella walked to the front of the church to tell our pastor she had decided to follow Jesus and wanted to be baptized in the church. The support of our family and friends who may as well be family was beyond overwhelming. To see the stream of people who have influenced my life and the spiritual lives of my children sharing that moment with us was wonderful. She was baptized the following week, on February 9th. Our pastor came into the room to pray with us before Josh & I went into the sanctuary. My hands were on her chest while he prayed over her and her heart was racing. She was nervous, but so excited about what she was about to do. My mom stayed with her upstairs so that Josh & I could watch with our family. There are two moments that stand out to me when I think back on that morning. Right before our pastor placed her under the water, she cut her eyes towards us in the congregation (you can see that in the photograph on the right). I love that she was looking for us. The other moment is the look of pride on Sophie’s face. We let her come into the room to watch before going to the nursery. The moment our pastor lifted Ella out of the water, Taz turned around with the biggest smile on her face. I will never forget the look on her face as long as I live. She had been walking around all morning telling anyone who would listen that “My sister is getting baptized. ‘Cause she’s seven!”. I love that she is getting to watch Ella navigate these waters and will have such a wonderful example as she grows and learns more about who God really is.
All we ever want as parents is the best for our children. To see them believe and follow Christ’s example to the church is the very best thing I can possibly imagine. There hasn’t been a moment in my life when I have been more proud of Ella, more in love with my family or more secure in my faith.
