I am long overdue for posting pictures of our Easter. But, as I was uploading the photographs earlier this week, all I could think about was how our Easter baskets would be perceived by perfect strangers. Did we do enough? Did we do too much? How sad that those are the thoughts that ran through my head. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the wars we wage on each other. In fact, I almost blogged about it several months ago, but convinced myself not to rock the boat. Sometimes when I’m laying in bed at night scrolling through social media sites, I have to shake my head when I see what we say about each other. Why are we, as mommies, so mean? I’m not pointing the finger, I’m guilty of it myself. We are constantly comparing ourselves and when we feel like we don’t measure up, we turn on each other. I don’t understand the beef we have with the “Pinterest Mom”. What does that even mean?!
One of the very first blog posts I ever wrote was about why we go big when we celebrate birthdays. The birthday party seems to be one of the biggest topics of conversation when we start comparing ourselves with one another. Whose cake cost more? Were your party favors hand-made? Did you even have party favors?
At Christmas there were rants and blog posts about the Elf on the Shelf. I can’t tell you how many times someone forwarded me an article questioning why we waste our time. Why is it so wrong to move a stuffed elf around for 25 days? No, really. How is that hurting the mom who doesn’t want to play along? My children understand the true meaning of Christmas. We aren’t abandoning angels for elves, we’re just having fun in the days leading up to our favorite holiday.
Fast forward to Valentine’s Day and some of us are complaining about the handmade cards and clever gifts. We’re making fun of each other for not buying the Hello Kitty cards at the drug store and saying that we’re making this holiday about “us” instead of “them”. Once again, we don’t know the conversations that took place between those children and their parents. Like the one I had with Ella where she asked if we could have craft night and make something extra special for her first year of big school.
I thought I had seen it all and then the Easter Wars broke out. When I was shopping for the girls’ baskets this year, I never dreamed we’d be debating those purchases less than a day after we celebrated. Y’all, is it really necessary for us to argue (publicly, I might add) about what is and isn’t appropriate to fill the Easter basket with this year? The day after Easter my news feed was full of conversations about how “other mothers” spent too much on their baskets or how “Santa Clause made a second visit this year”. We even debated if it was appropriate to put anything other than candy in their baskets. Who gets to be the final judge on these matters? Do we vote? The worst part is we were attacking other mothers, our friends, over what we deemed appropriate. Does it not dawn on us all that “those” mothers are reading what we say? There is no exception to the rule. When we make a blanket statement about the “Pinterest Mom” we are talking about every mother who ever had craft time at the dining room table. We are talking about every mother who one-upped us this holiday season. It’s okay to wish you had done something different. It’s even okay to be happy with what you did, knowing that it’s not the popular choice. It’s okay to mother differently than each other. We aren’t model parents and there aren’t instructions on how to be the craftiest mom alive. It’s okay if you’re not a graphic designer and aren’t obsessed with making gift tags in Illustrator after the kids are in bed. It’s okay if you’d rather buy store bought cookies for Valentine’s Day rather than bake away in your kitchen. It’s okay if your kids Easter basket doesn’t look like mine. Why are we constantly passing judgment on our neighbors?
I have two beautiful little girls that I’m blessed to mother. They are truly gifts from God and I cherish every single day with them. Having babies wasn’t easy for me and I’ll never forget the longing we experienced while waiting for them to arrive. I knew before they were even here that we would go all out. We would live life big every day. We would parent them well, teach them about Jesus and do our best not to raise them with a sense of entitlement. But, we would also give them every good thing within our power to give. We would wear costumes to their birthday parties, make pinatas from scratch and believe in a silly stuffed elf if that’s what it took to make magic.
There was a day when we had matching pajamas for every holiday. Ella was always thrilled to have something new to wear to bed and I loved how cute the pictures looked when she was unpacking her Easter basket in pretty purple pajamas. That’s one of those things I’ve had to let go. Does it surprise ANYONE that Sophie has on a Christmas top and spring bottoms (that are about two sizes too small)?! This child refuses to match her pajamas and prefers the too-short pants to any others. She’ll probably want Power Ranger Valentine’s Day cards next year, too.
I didn’t create egg dye from vegetables or wrap silk ties around them this year. We didn’t experiment with different painting techniques or dye dozens of eggs. I bought the $1 Paas egg dye package from Publix and my girls didn’t know there were any other options. We have to pick and choose our Pinterest projects around here!
Let me just go ahead and warn you that Sophie’s birthday party was over the top and Ella’s probably will be, too. I’ll likely create some cute Pinterest-inspired end of the year treat for school teachers and the girls’ classmates. We could make a themed dessert for Independence Day. We might even hold a chalkboard sign on the first day of school. There will be homemade Halloween costumes and Thanksgiving cards. Scout will come back to visit on the first day of December and I’ll probably document his antics via Instagram again this year. It’s okay if you shake your head and think that’s crazy. As long as you’re having fun with your children and making memories of your own, you are doing a great job. Even if you hate Pinterest.
Edited to add: My blog friend, Jennifer, wrote a great post on this very subject yesterday. I had to laugh when I read it because I already had this written and ready to go for today. I’m glad to know I’m not the only mother struggling in this area and trying hard not to be a casualty of the mommy wars.
