to tell you the truth

After seeing a similar post on a friend’s blog, I started to think about the things that we often hide from one another. I’ve been learning a lesson on transparency and how rewarding it can be. I am so far from perfect, but I find myself only blogging when I have something nice to say. Something important, or pretty, or exciting. It’s far rarer that I post the mundane, embarrassing and uninteresting things. To tell you the truth, sometimes I’d rather pretend to be perfect, but the posts that I enjoy the most in my reading time are those that are so brutally honest that they make me feel so much better about my beautiful disaster. So here goes… brutal honesty about where I am today and where I hope I’m going!

To tell you the truth:

• I’ve only blogged three previous times this month. 2011 has kind of gotten away from me and I need to put my rubber gloves on and take control of my life.  I have been lazy and have completely ignored the goals I set for myself in January.
• My house has pretty much been a disaster since the weekend we painted the living and dining rooms. I want so much to show you how pretty the color is and what furniture we’re using and how we have everything laid out, but I can’t bare to show you the dust bunnies and random stacks of things in the wrong places.
• The “master” bedroom looks like an episode of Hoarders. Seriously. That is where everything that didn’t “go” got corralled and I haven’t had the time, energy or desire to make head or tails of it. I want to have a yard sale, but that requires more energy than I’m willing to dole out today. I’m thinking about taking pictures of it all and having a Facebook yard sale. Interested?
• My car is a disaster. There is breakfast from three days ago {Bojangles Grand Opening!}, a bag of trash in the trunk, Dr. Pepper that Josh spewed on the dashboard sometime last month, two coats of mine, numerous pairs of Ella’s shoes, Barbie’s, unwrapped birthday presents and Valentine’s Day surprises.
• We have eaten the same three meals for months. SD is tired of chicken, but nobody has any suggestions. Instead we keep making chicken salad, chicken tacos and chicken casserole. We’re gonna start growing feathers over here. We’ve spent too much money on groceries, keep eating out instead of eating what we bought and complain about how much that sucks. Any recipes you want to share?
• I don’t make my children take a bath every day {gasp}. Most days, but not every day. Ella is going through a phase where she detests the time it takes out of her busy life for a shower, so about once a week I let her skip. Is that gross?
• I never get up on time. I know that I can’t get three girls ready in a hour, but I keep rationalizing the snooze button. That leaves me no time for error and has me sliding in my office sideways with no time to spare. Today I had to bring some work home to make up for that time.
• I balanced my checkbook for the first time today since January 1. It was so disorganized, that I just looked at the bank balance and started over. I couldn’t even consider writing down five weeks of transactions at once.
• I paid bills, too. I hate that. I have got to come up with a better system to budget my money and to keep up with what’s due, when. I used to be really organized, but then I had a second child. Now, my hands start to sweat when I think about writing checks and paying bills on line. Not because I am over budget, just because I dread doing it. I need a personal assistant. Any takers?
• Then there’s the mail. My carrier probably hates me. Our box is in an awkward spot and the carrier keeps getting stuck in our yard. She’s asked us to move it, but we keep forgetting. I also let the mail pile up for a few many days at a time and have to use a crowbar to get it out.
• I despise laundry. SD is so good about keeping it washed and dried, but he’s right to think I should pitch in and fold it. Instead, I let it pile up until we have a laundry mountain and it takes multiple episodes of Teen Mom 2 to get all caught up.
• I’m addicted to reality television: American Idol, Teen Mom, Toddlers & Tiaras, Survivor. I don’t know why, but I cannot. look. away.
• I don’t exercise. I haven’t made a single effort to lose weight since Sophie was born and I hate it. I keep saying I’m going to change that, but I have no real confidence in myself. I like sweets. I hate water. I have a really large appetite for a girl. I “say” I want to change these things, but truth be told if I really wanted to be different, I would be.
• I drink too much Dr. Pepper. There was a time in my life when I didn’t drink many soft drinks, but sweet little Sophie changed all of that! I craved fountain DP when I was pregnant and drank one every day. I thought when I had her that it would go away. Instead, we just started buying canned drinks and keeping the fridge stocked. It doesn’t help that we have free drinks in our office kitchen either. I have GOT to stop that and learn to love water. Drinking soda is yucky.
• I have super sensitive skin and I scratch my legs all the time. I don’t even know if they really itch, I think I might just have a weird habit. I told SD maybe I should be on Strange Addiction… I’m addicted to scratching my legs?! I only do it at night when I get in bed.
• I count things all the time. Particularly if the item being counted is a multiple of five. In fact, I get irritated when something isn’t divisible by five.
• Our eighty-five pound dog sleeps in the bed with us. It hasn’t always bothered Josh, but he’s recently decided he’s over it. I just let her share my side instead. She sleeps right on the edge, on top of the covers, and it keeps me warm. I hated it when I was pregnant and running out of room, but once Sophie was born and I had recovered I was thrilled to have her back!
• I haven’t scrapbooked or had photographs printed since Ella was two years old. I haven’t even started a book for Sophie. I want to do digital ones to make my life easier, but I’m a graphic designer for crying out loud! I should be able to design something awesome. I put it off because I have big ideas, but that just lets me get further behind.
• I’ve been planning Sophie’s birthday party since she was about four months old. I didn’t want to rush her first year, but I love throwing parties and decorating and celebrating my children!
• I have always said that my ultimate goal was to be a stay-at-home mom. I think I’ve changed my mind. I love my girls and have so much fun spending time with them, but I think I might go a little crazy if we were together seven days a week. I’m beginning to see that working outside of the home is good for me and maybe my goal should be to work part time one day or maybe I was meant to be a working mom after all.
• I worry that I’m focusing on the trivial things and not spending enough time being present with my girlies. Does craft time and movie time really matter? Should I waste my time blogging about them or should I get down in the floor instead? It is such a fine line to balance and I want them to look back on their childhood and think it was amazing. Like I did.
• I worry about everything. SD doesn’t have to because I take care of it all. I worry about important things and stupid things and things that have no significance whatsoever. I worry about how I would survive if something happened to Josh or the girls. I worry about paying off our debt. I worry that we won’t be able to have more children. I worry about getting better organized. I worry that y’all think I’m crazy. I’m worried now that I’ve shared my crazies that you’ll stop reading altogether!

You know what I’m going to do about all that? Change it. I took a big step today saying it all out loud. I bought a new little notebook to make lists and get important information at my fingertips. I created a new budget and a system to better track my spending. I found fabric for my living room curtains and a CUTE little print arrived today that we bought ourselves for Valentine’s Day. The laundry is in progress and I plan to cut coupons, read cookbooks and plan our meals for the next week. I’m going to organize my yard sale stuff, make a trip to our storage unit and then to goodwill. I’m going to cover my DVDs with craft paper so they aren’t so ugly and I’m going to vacuum for the first time in about ten days. Then I’m going to come back here and tell you ALL about it. Will you still be here?

Share some truth in the comments section, if you dare!

Kristin is married to her high-school sweetheart and the mother to two daughters. Professional by day and creative by night, she is a family lifestyle blogger who writes about faith, family, and fitting it all into a busy schedule. At Taz + Belly, you’ll find healthy recipes, children’s party ideas, tutorials, DIY projects, and more. Click Here to Read More About Kristin