It’s a weird thing, blogging. I find myself squished between the “writers” and the “reviewers”. I’ll never be that girl that writes poetic words or harbors dreams of a book someday, but I hope that I’m not simply giving you a list of things we did and calling it writing. This is a space where I accumulate words — for myself sometimes, but mostly so that my children will be able to read the story of their youth — so they will know who their parents were outside of discipline and daily chores — and to preserve the memories and moments that might otherwise slip through the cracks. For those of you who are visiting because of the vlog link-up, thanks so much for coming by. I hope you aren’t turned off by the definite “mommy blog” vibe going on over here and I want to say thank you for letting me indulge myself in this little vlogging adventure.
It’s time to join Amber & Annie for February’s “Speak Up” vlogging challenge and this month’s prompt was HEART. Appropriate for the month of love, no? Once again, I find myself straying a little bit from the prescribed topic, but the more and more I thought about what I would share this month, the more these words were “on my heart”. And in case you aren’t into listening to a crazy southern accent, or embedded videos are banned at your office, or you just don’t want to waste the next SIXTEEN minutes of your life {so sorry, who does that?!} — the gist of the video is recapped below. Enjoy!
{SOME OBSERVATIONS: I obviously use the word “so” way too many times. I clearly meant “batted an eye” not an eyelash?! I am apparently so terrified of notebooks that I should be medicated.}
For those of you who don’t know me well, you might be surprised to find I once considered myself an artist. From the earliest age I can remember, I had a pencil or a crayon in my hand. I have doodled on church bulletins, brochures at the doctor’s office, steno notepads in the courtroom and receipts found in the bottom of my purse. I went to art school after I graduated and never felt more in love with my craft. I was being instructed to be creative and was no longer looking for an excuse to draw. As a mom and a full-time professional, I don’t have a lot of time leftover to make pretty things. I no longer have access to a university printmaking studio and I can’t justify hundreds of dollars on pretty paper. Finding ways and the time to be creative has been difficult the older I get.
Now, at the extreme opposite end of the spectrum, something I have always struggled with was daily devotion. I want so badly to communicate with God, both verbally and visually, but sometimes I fight myself to accomplish this. My mind wanders and I am easily frustrated. Words run together when I’m reading and when I attempt to journal, I am overwhelmed with the space to fill. My intentions are good, but I can’t ever find the place where everything works together and I can finally hear His voice.
I had no idea that this dichotomy would eventually lead me to place where my artistic ability allowed me to focus more fully on Him. When we began looking for a new church at the beginning of December, I decided that I wanted a new Bible for this stage of my life. In my search, I discovered that journaling Bibles were a thing! I bought one and meticulously transferred my highlights and margin notes {only the most important ones — I was starting over, remember?} over to the new Bible and vowed to get this daily devotion thing under control. I’m not sure I opened my Bible once in December outside of the sanctuary. How embarrassing. Then in January, I started doodling in the margins.
In the beginning, it was a few words here and there, but as more days went by the more pages I filled up with hand lettered words and colorful illustrations. And do you know what I remembered? That as a child, I drew and took notes as the pastor taught us. In Sunday School, I wrote the important words on the margin of my bulletin and on the back of the prayer list. I remember getting scolded by a teacher once for being a distraction, but in reality I was keeping myself from being distracted. For whatever reason, when my pencil is moving, I am more focused on all the things going on around me. I listen better and absorb the words I’m reading and writing. For a little over a week, I’ve been using “scripture doodles” as a regular addition to my morning devotion. I find myself wanting to get up a few minutes earlier in the mornings so that I have plenty of time to draw. I’ve illustrated a few of my favorite Bible verses along the way, but I’m also using Jesus Calling to prompt me in my daily reading.
On Sunday, the pastor where we are visiting preached on Psalm 51:10. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. The message was about repentance and about taking personal responsibility when we fail. For so long, I’ve been failing at the basic premise of our relationship with God — conversation. In less than seven days, I already feel God creating a clean heart in me. Refreshing and renewing and engaging. It is amazing what we can do — what He can do through us — when we find a way to tie OUR gifts to HIS spirit.
Be sure and visit Amber or Annie to see all of the wonderful girls linking up today and pay some of them a visit. Validation is SO IMPORTANT when you are being transparent and baring your soul.
